The Limiting Masculine Mentality That Needs To Change.

A man in today’s world needs to tread carefully in choice of basic everyday things such as words, music and grooming (just to mention a few) to escape labels that have certain behaviors attached to it.

Some behaviors or actions have been frowned upon when performed by men, this is because men are required (by society) to ALWAYS be manly, thus, limiting the options and activities that can be performed by men.

In this article, I shall give a couple of scenarios ranging from music, grooming, showing emotions and interactions. I am sure that the majority of people that would agree with this article would be women. This just goes to emphasize the point I’m trying to make in this article.

We keep forgetting that we are society, the society we complain about is made up of us. If we say things like “we need to change how women are treated in the society”, we are indirectly saying we need to change. People like to believe that society is some type of abstract body with laid down set of rules but that is not true.

The first scenario, music.

In a gathering of men, there are songs that can be played and that cannot be played because we all expect to seem tough on the outside. A group of men are expected to be bumping trap, rap of hip-hop, listening to artistes like Roddy Ricch, 21 Savage, Octavian, Skepta, Future, Migos and other similar artistes but in my opinion, it’s totally okay to bump Taylor Swift, Lauv, Carly Rae Jepsen, Billie Eilish and so on. If the guy with the aux plays a Billie Eilish song, the reaction would be statements like “dude what the hell?”, “what you playing billy eyelash?”, “why are you trying to make me mushy?”. This is because men believe they shouldn’t be mushy at any point in time, it’s okay to appreciate good music even if it is “girly”. Guys that listen to only rap, trap or hip-hop deprive themselves from listening to good music across other genres. Some of them end up becoming very aggressive because the music they listen to in itself is somewhat aggressive.

Mind you, I don’t have any beef with heavy 808 themed music (I listen to all types of music), but that shouldn’t be the only thing you listen to.

The second scenario, grooming.

A couple of guys find it weird when a one of their male friends makes effort to dress well and have proper grooming. They frown at the idea of having clean, well trimmed nails, planning your outfits ahead of time and going the extra step to try the outfit before the day of the event. They mask their irritation with “nobody got time for that”.

It’s okay to want to look clean as a man. Break the stereotype of guys are dirty and disorganized.

The third scenario, emotions.

Society made us to believe that men ALWAYS have to be manly and are never to be weak. This makes a lot of men afraid to speak up about their issues (rape experience for example) and their struggles so they won’t be perceived as weak.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to express love. It’s okay to tell a loved one verbally that you love him/her. It’s okay to be weak and need someone to lean on. It’s okay to hug your bro. It’s okay to have lunch with your bro.

The underlying cause of this mentality seen in men is homophobia. You hear people say things like “why are you using your picture as your lock screen? that’s gay”, “you listen to Taylor Swift? are you gay?”, “why are you wearing that pink sweatshirt? are you gay bro?”.

These actions are perfectly fine in my opinion, as a man, you don’t have to be a “hard guy” all the time. Let loose bro.

I am not forcing anyone to conform to my beliefs, it’s also okay to be manly.